Maybe I Cried

People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is
Everything is going to be alright. - Alicia Keys, No One

It's only after we lost everything that we are free to do anything.


My dad was leaving out of town again and I always hate to see him go. I told him I can't sleep but the truth is, I want to see him before he rides North.

If there's something my dad's good at, it's keeping a casual conversation between him and my siblings. The moment before he left, he lit a cigarette and puffed smoke out of his mouth and nose. I don't actually like him smoking. In fact, I don't like the idea of smoking. But this time, I was fascinated by the way he smoked. Suddenly I remember all my friends and relatives who smoke; how their mouth exhaled curls and twirls of beauty in the air. So I asked him if I can puff some and know what it would feel like. And oddly, he gave me the cigarette. I took it and inhaled all the nicotine that I could. I closed my eyes and he asked if I was okay. I said I was fine and I drew in another but this time slower so that I can trace the drug going inside my lungs and make it back out again. 

I smiled at him and he took the cigarette from me saying, "Enough." 

He finished the stick and took another one but he looked at me and instead of lighting it, he put it back in his pocket. He hugged me and said goodbye. Normally I would cry, but I didn't this time.


 Paradise by Coldplay
Starry Starry Night by Josh Groban
Everybody's Changing by Keane
Falling Down by Muse
Champagne Supernove by Oasis


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