Save Tonight

This post features my good friend's artworks.

Jodie Ferrer aka Jodie

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Hey.

My head has been getting episodic headaches these past few days. I've always thought that it may have something to do with my eyes. But after I went to my ophthalmologist, she said my eyes are perfectly fine and that I should see a neurologist-- and that kind of scared me.

Anyway, I won't talk about that.

*INSERT MY FAMOUS TRANSITION*

I haven't gone home to my family since last month. In Pinoy Drama culture, it's expected that I should be guilty of not going home but I don't. 

I keep telling Raul or Yssa that I wan't to disappear-- for a little while. Not because I'm avoiding people but I guess I'm in the point of my life where I'm seriously lost and have no idea what the hell I'm doing. 

I thought I had everything all figured out by now but nooooooooo, apparently this phase in life happens in all stages.

And the headaches makes the picture worse 'cause sometimes, when everything gets too quiet, I start getting anxious about everything. I start crying and get mad at things I shouldn't be mad about or get angry at things that doesn't even exist. The only way to shut me up is for me to be wrapped around someone's body. 

I did come to the conclusion that the only way I feel shitty is because:

1) I am not meeting someone's expectations of me,

2) I am not getting want I want

and 3) I don't know what I want

And I feel like an idiot for having those paranoia.

I mean it's easy to say-- "But, Kyla. You don't have to care about what people think of you. As long as you're happy, then do your thing." Ha-ha-ha.

Bitch, I know I shouldn't care about what people say but if the people you care about start caring about you and what you do then that's something you should start caring about because you know there's something wrong. The only reason why they react is because they care (affectionately).

Right?

Deep inside, you know I have a point.

I always do.

LOVE,

PLAYLIST:

Send My Love by Adele
All We Ever Knew by The Head and the Heart
Shaky Ground by Freedom Fry
Georgia by Vance Joy
Believer by Marc Scibilia