We Are Legends




Plans are helpful especially when you have a whole productive day ahead of you. But sometimes, things just don't go accordingly to how it should be. Like how I'm suppose to leave the pool party by 1pm but turns out the fun-gravity was too strong. The pool was calling me.


I had fun. I deserved the water, the weather and the awesome people around me. While I was there, I felt like everything in my life was falling into place. After we exchanged gifts, we left the place with smiles and tanned cheeks ready to go home and maybe tell our parents about our day---

---but the longer the jeepney ride was, I started to remember all these things that I should be worried about. Looping Ain't It Fun by Paramore wasn't any good and to be honest, it made me feel worse. Like, the lyrics was making me more lonelier than ever. Especially the chant part: "Don't go crying to your momma.." and my brain will be, like: "..'cause she's dead." It makes me cry a little inside. 

I was suppose to attend the Blogging Summit after the party but I realized I was too late for that. So I made this stupid decision of going to Robinsons Galleria because I just wanted to see how it looked but I ended up buying a Paulo Coehlo. I could have bought a cork board but I figured it was too heavy for me to carry and I haven't got that much energy.

After that, I left the mall right away and went downtown. I didn't have anything else to do so I walked around and just observed people. It's funny how crowded it is but lonely it makes you feel. You know-- how things in the world are squeezed into this small box but everything inside it doesn't actually match each other and they start repelling. 

If it don't hurt now
Just wait
Just wait a while

I used to love long rides and heavy traffic; it's the perfect excuse to listen to my playlist. But these days, I try to avoid them 'cause no matter how much Coldplay sings being alive is such a grateful thing to be, my mind wanders away from the song and think about my certain people that haunts me even in my sleep or I think about situations that I shouldn't be thinking about--

--but I do think about them because they matter! And it kills me if it's just lingering inside my mind, unresolved. I keep patching it with happy stickers but the stickiness wears off after a few days or hours or even minutes. Then I go back to being sad again. So I try so hard to be busy; to take my mind off things that I don't want to think about because it's depressing.

Sometimes, like Miss V said, I get depressed for no reason. There's no problem in the first place but your mind fancies them. Like, it becomes an addiction: to be sad.


Nevertheless, I like to think that someday, somehow everything will be okay.

I cried while I was in the pool earlier, but no one noticed. They assumed it was just the chlorine and the sun. I can't swim. So I didn't actually trust the water earlier. But I knew I won't drown because I know someone will be there to save me and I'm tall enough to actually jump and push myself up again.


Up & Up by Coldplay
Control by Halsey
Skin by Kyla La Grange
Let's Not Fall In Love by Big Bang
Last Hope by Paramore


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