4AM

I'm sipping hot chocolate and eating dying bread,

Then I begin to think how it's sort of sad

To know how you've been talking to people,

Being happy with them; sharing thoughts and emotions,

But then suddenly they all fall asleep. Leaving you all alone. 

Then you start remembering why you talked to them in the first place: 

Because you feel lonely. But what they did is that-- 

They made you feel more alone than before. 

*pause, looks at cup*

Is this even hot chocolate or am I just naturally high?

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I forgot to add a playlist on my last post. I also got lazy editing it so #YOLO.

Hi.

I must say I had a rather epic week than normal. As for those of you who don't know, I'm a working student; student by day and zombie by night. I caught a cold three weeks ago probably from too much sweating and unhealthy lifestyle. I might have got it while I was standing under the rain for too long. Or I might have got it from kissing someone. 

Nah.

I don't know where it came from but all I know is that it's still here. It came with a cough too. And to top it off; I lost my voice. I can't speak. I can only blow air out of my mouth.

I can only imagine how hard it is for deaf/mute people-- to live in a world where they are mostly outnumbered by people who can talk. I mean, yeah, they do get the chance to have a language of their own where they can communicate with us but still, I mean.. come on. That's hard. Still a few among the many so I pay my empathy on people who can't speak. I feel totally sorry and I hope you have a good day every fucking day for the rest of your life! I hope you  don't often get the feeling of being isolated because you're not alone. 

Alone.

Is someone really alone? Or is it just the thought of the society bailing on us, like, sorry pal, you're on your own. I just don't like the idea of it. Although I would say some things are better off doing when alone but most of the things in life are better if we have someone to share it with. Like how  fulfilling it is to drink this hot chocolate by the end of a long and tiring day and to think how more wonderful it would be if I have someone to sit and talk to about that day.

 

The world is very complex that we wish for people to leave us alone and just proceed to whatever they're doing. But I know that sometimes, deep inside, there's a silent wish where you pray that they'd not leave you and just stay and listen and be there for them. Yet we tend to uplift our pride thinking how strong we are to face things on our own. 

We are, maybe. 

But then maybe we're not. 

Maybe we humans are programmed to be like that: begging in silence. Like how I say I'm fine or don't worry because I really don't want you to worry but if I look at you longer than I should, I sometimes wish you won't believe me or you'd ask me again so that I can take back what I said. 

It's stupid really. But I know I'm not the only one who is guilty of that. Hundreds of us perhaps. Thousands.

 Huh. Guess I'm not alone, then.

LOVE,

 

PLAYLIST:

Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home by Keira Knightley

I'm Not the Only One by Sam Smith

Breathe Me by Sia

Champagne Supernova by Oasis

I Try by Macy Gray