we are the people we don't like

Sometimes I watch clips of Sesame Street. 

It makes my day a little better. 

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Hello internet friends,

Today was extra quiet so I wanted to write here and talk to you. Some things are just better said when you have an audience. Is this a one-way relationship? I mean - I don't plan on getting to know you.. I think this setup is perfectly fine. I'd like to think we both reap fruits from whatever this is -- I am fulfilling my need to perform and tell a story and you are.. well you're just here to read about someone else's life. 

We are both using each other. I just hope that in some way, I am helping you. You know, like a spirit guide. Except I am a 27 human, confused, and have no idea how to read a map. I am probably your worst spirit guide. 

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I changed a lot. I used to share a lot of things in my life to you guys (or on social media), but now I realized that some of the stuff I have been sharing was mostly a bunch of nonsense. But.. the good thing about it though, is how you are able to assume what kind of person I am based on tiny details about myself. I don't blame you for liking me. Everything I put up here is well-curated and honest, and even to me, that's a turn-on.

But as much as I like performing in this safe space, I think I have to shut up every once in a while. And keep everything to myself. My life flows better that way.

Or Idk, maybe I'll train myself to speak in riddles and finally be the wise woman I aspire to be. I see her every now and then.. usually in the bathroom mirror. She still cries a lot.

She's a work in progress. 

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I had a deep conversation with my friend the other night, she wasn't feeling too well. Mentally and emotionally. I was very happy she reached out. I care about her a lot. I felt guilty because I haven't been reaching out to some folks I care about lately because I felt like I was too much for them.

Too much energy.

Too much talking.

Too much Kyla.

I think my whole process of being "better" in life was clouded by this idea na I have to do everything on my own. We are, for the most part in life, alone but I guess it's a mistake for me to assume how someone feels about me. I was mad for a bit.. at my friend because she didn't reach out sooner.. 

"I was shy and didn't wanna be a bother."

^ I am also this person

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This blog was written in, like, four weeks. Wtf. I keep changing the title. 

Anyway, thank you for stopping by. Go to sleep. Geez. 

LOVE (always)

PLAYLIST:

Uhaw by Dilaw 

Breakup Haircut by Danny and Alex

Love It or Leave It by Tess Henley

Exitlude by The Killers

Antisocial by Current Blue