there's one more beer in the fridge, and it's mine

Should I drink it?

--------------------

A-plot: I bought a fan for my new apartment. I'm moving to Manila. I don't really know a lot of people here, and even though I have relatives and friends in wherevertheyare, I know for a fact that I'm alone. Unlike migrating to Cebu, or backpacking to Siargao, this was a solo decision and knowing that my family supports this, well, nothing else really matters. Still, I miss the things I have gotten used to. Throughout my life, the saying home is where the heart is never meant anything and was just another cliche I'd always brush off—but now, it's a reminder that I'm always moving on and sometimes the process hurts. I used to judge people who keep moving from one place to another, and often label them as someone trying to escape something but now I realized maybe that's not the case, maybe they're just an impulsively-deciding-and-making-it-up-as-they-go-because-why-not-kind-of-a-person like me.

In a span of a month, I'm pretty sure I've kylafied enough things and places to call this another home—this includes but is not limited to placing stickers in Pasig City (sorry, Vico), naming the stray cats (one of them is Derp Cat because his tongue is always outside when he sleeps!), and establishing my go-to mall (I'm embarrassed to say that it's Megamall). 

B-plot: I keep having disturbing dreams, mainly because of stress. I keep thinking about where to buy other furniture, or where to put them. Sometimes I catch myself thinking too hard so I end up crying which gives me more stress because I loathe the whiny part of me. But even with all the whining and all the confusion I run into, I think it's fair to say I'm handling this as gracefully as I can and I know you're doing your best too. When things don't go as planned, here's a tip: dance. 

C-plot: Whenever things get too quiet, my head becomes noisy. It's like sitting in the middle of a windowless and doorless room with your eyes shut and being surrounded by dozens of television that are all turned on and playing different channels at the same time. Some TVs are playing memories, and others are playing songs and movie dialogues. To make it more annoying some are unknown monologues of people I don't even know. 

Why is there a reporter? 

Who is this British man inside my head? 

Did I just make a song?

D-plot: I'll continue The Love Club and revive the short and unexpected digital coma of The Local Creatives. I'm excited most about this part because whether I make bold or tiny decisions about these two, I feel no regret. I'd probably laugh and mumble to myself "Well that was stupid but oh well." Time to move on.

Last year I was having this conversation with my friend, and how she talked about building a brand, and how stressful it was for her and took most of her time. After hearing that, I figured maybe I wasn't doing things right because during that time I wasn't stressed about "building" a brand. Since I thought I should be feeling stressed I'd often find myself looking for problems that weren't there in the first place. 

Somehow I'm grateful for the mini-vacation because it gave me time to scan through what I really want to do and it always boils down to making people smile, and every time I come to that conclusion, I always bitchslap myself because I'm already doing it with or without this TLC so I shouldn't be stressed at all. 

E-plot: [insert your version of the past two months]

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I hope you're okay. 

LOVE,

Fun fact: ^ I've been using this signature for ten years. Every time I try to close a blog post, I'm always, like: I should update this and I never do.

PLAYLIST:

Touches by Phoebe Katis 

For Elise by Saint Motel

Six Feet Under by Kissin' Dynamite

Kick It to Me  by Sammy Rae & The Friends

Disco by Sub-Radio