2018 Was Perfect


Kyla can't simply quit being who she is.

She's sitting on her bed. Her feet is supposed to be hanging and doing the rhythm of Larusso's song but they're stiff because the house still smells like fire. 

Yes, she almost set her house on fire. The song ends but she grabs her phone replays it. This time, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and sang the wrong lyrics.

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If you're reading this: hi,

Damn. July was my last post and now this? If we were in a relationship then I would understand how much you hate me for just showing up just now but guess what-- we're not in a relationship! That means we can just smile and appreciate each other's existence!

I'd like to make a toast. I need you to grab a drink-- a beer, champagne, Coke or whatever-- and do this toast thing with me. I have white wine on a super small mason jar. Your glass doesn't need to be fancy. The more it reflects who you are, the better because this toast is about all of us.

Or you know what, just-- do the toast pose in your head. Ready? Okay.



2018 was amazing. 

I hope that you had a great time because I did. I'm not saying this because my entire year was fun, no. I was depressed most of the time-- almost every day. There was even a part where I was trying so hard that I Googled how to be okay. There was an attempt to be fine all the time. Failure just stares at me every morning in the mirror.

In my journal, I always end the month with a power word. These power words are usually the theme of my life on the span of 30 days and here's my list:

January - Fixing
February - Shame
March - Learning
April - Lost
May - Prevail
June - Overcome
July- Honesty
August- Conversations
September- Unlonely
October- Accepted
November- Shithead
December- Grateful


As much as I want to go into detail on how my year went, I'd rather congratulate you on where you are now. And if everything to you is not okay, please pause and see everything objectively. You'll see that it isn't that bad all along.

And if it hurts, then it's okay. Because everything is supposed to hurt. But it's not meant to destroy you. You're allowed to feel what you're feeling right now but those emotions shouldn't control your life. It's just feelings. 

Feelings are just inside your head.

Everything is okay. You're okay.

So cheers to you, thanks for sticking around in this world. You made it a better place to stay.
Cheers to the people who support you and believed in you.

Cheers to your mistakes because now you're going to better.

Cheers to your Spotify Wrap Up 2018 playlist. Here's mine.

Cheers to having a home-- whatever or whoever it may be.

Cheers to new skills and treasured memories of this year.

Cheers to love-- because you felt it and it's all you ever need. 

*clink, Happy New Year


LOVE,




PLAYLIST:

On ne S'aimera Plus Jamais by Larusso
Baby I'm Yours by Breakbot ft. Irfane
New Youth by Se So Neon
Who's Got You Singing Again by PREP
My Blood by Twenty One Pilots





Comments

  1. "And if it hurts, then it's okay. Because everything is supposed to hurt. But it's not meant to destroy you. You're allowed to feel what you're feeling right now but those emotions shouldn't control your life. It's just feelings."

    Gawdammit. THANKS FOR THIS ❤

    ReplyDelete

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