Fixing Me: Part I

I think there's a mouse stuck on the wall.

*silently observes the wall*

Aaaaaaaaand he's free.



This blog has been tracking my emotions since 2010. I also noticed that most of my friends will always diagnose me from what I write here. I think that's cute, thank you. For the past few weeks, I realized that I've been untrue lately. I don't feel like me lately. I've been feeling worse and as part of my New Year's resolution, I decided to actually fix where the hell I went wrong.

The negative emotions are much stronger now. 

It resulted to an ugly situations like, delays in work-related things, productivity and to top it all it made my boyfriend break up with me. And I hated myself for that.

But what I don’t understand is why do I feel numb in between? Like something bad never happened. The truth is, I’m crying because I’m just scared of what would happen next. And that has always been my fear-- the unknown.

Ironically, I've told everyone dear to me that they shouldn't be afraid of the unknown because worrying about something we don't know only stresses us out. 

Look at me now. Ha-ha

I may have cried too much yesterday. 
And I don't like crying when it has nothing to do with sad movies or puppies.

I honestly thought I was doing okay. I was doing a great job but something triggers it and I'm trying to find out what are those things that make me tick and go bananas. Insecurities? Paranoia? What exactly is bothering me? Is it hard for me to accept certain situations? If yes, why? I think about those questions all the time. 

And more importantly, is the problem even within me?

Currently, I don't know.
What I do know is that most of my actions are based on a fear of something. 

That I'm sure of. 


Hold Me Tight Or Don't by Fall Out Boy
One by U2
Death of a Bachelor by Panic at the Disco
Vienna by Billy Joel
Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant


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